the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
