literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
