hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
