see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
