Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
