Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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