and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
