clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize