I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
operation have a gay friend backfired
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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