You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
