don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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