I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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