get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
