So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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