...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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