How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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