I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
