Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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