I'm going to jail i love you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
