Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
