i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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