My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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