we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
