i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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