I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
