I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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