The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
