I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
