he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We have started to decorate penises.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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