youre lurking in front of me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
