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its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
