sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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