I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
