3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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