My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
