so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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