i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
