She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
