Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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