I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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