Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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