i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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