shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
