dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So vagazzling was a success
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
