Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
