fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
