As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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