don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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