My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
