I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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