I wish I could teleport
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
