I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Too much gin, very little bucket
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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